Crazy Dog PeopleJuly 22nd, 2011 by admin received Comments Off
I spent almost twenty years involved in dogs: dog shows, dog breeding, hunting, obedience, etc. And like most people I started my doggy career as a pet owner. However, it did not take me long to realize, dog people are crazy.
Not all–I will give a rare few credit–but the majority probably have a wardrobe of little white jackets with REALLY long arms.
No, seriously. I swear. And when you become involved in dogs, you can usually go one of two ways, you hang on for as long as you can…
Or you assimilate.
Resistance is futile.
Okay, okay, I know what you’re wondering, what makes dog people crazy. I have a few theories. All the chalk they inhale from the years of fluffing up dogs before putting them in the ring. All the hours and hours of sleep deprivations from traveling to those shows or whelping puppies. Or brain burn from standing out in the middle of a ring on a blistering hot day to run their faithful friend in circles so some old blind dude, who spends half the time asleep in his chair next to the ribbons, can decide who should get the points for the day.
Trust me—a few years of that shit is enough to drive any one over the edge.
So now I bet you’re wondering what crazy dog people do. They throw tables when they don’t get the grooming space they wanted (because they had it last year and this year someone got up earlier than them and claimed it.) Someone steals their plug. (And I bet you’re scratching your head on that one). Yes, plug, so they can use the dryer to blow dry their dog’s hair, or iron it (yes, iron it) or to run a dremel to file down nails, or whatever else they need to plug in for the day.
Sometimes they REALLY go over the edge and get into screaming matches in the ring because they don’t like the winner. Sometimes they REALLY go over the edge (I’m talking an all out Geronimo flying leap arms spread wide, maniacal grin plastered to their faces) and make death threats—bodily harm threats are usually more common—even more common are ugly internet rumors because then they can hide while doing it.
It would seem living through those kinds of things would scar anyone for life. I can’t say it didn’t scar me—cause yeah I still have nightmares about dodging tables or getting gang banged by the Shihtzu people for accidentally pulling the wrong plug, or worse blowing the freaking fuse–but at the same time mucking the dog show trenches, culture, lifestyle, and religion, I learned the most valuable lesson as a writer…
How to write the most toe curling, eye watering, vile, nasty, hateful, cold hearted, m-f’n villains you could ever imagine. And I’m not just talking Satan’s side kick evil…I’m talking bat-shit-crazy.
As they say, write what you know…Writing News